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Giant Size Funny Valentines
Topps - 1961

Notes:  These cards feature artwork by Jack Davis, are approximately 2-1/2" x 
4-3/4", and have orange backs; the collector reference number for this set is 
R708-6. A different version with orange/red backs (also 55 cards) was produced 
in the late 1960s, and also a "printed in Canada" set with full-red backs. Thanks 
much to Bob Hall for the original checklist and to Chris Silvestri for the updates!

No.   Setup (Card Front)                                       Punch Line (Card Back)

  1   To Mom on Valentine Day, All year round you work
        your fingers to the bone & what do you get?            Boney Fingers!
  2   Dear Valentine, I want you to accept the check on
        the other side
  3   Have you ever thought of getting married to me?          well, don't
  4   I've never met anyone like you                           except in the zoo
  5   A good man is hard to find                               so I'll settle for you
  6   I picked up a real nice gift for you                     but the cops made me put it back
  7   Valentine to my teacher, I think you're wonderful        But You Know How Stupid I Am!
  8   With a friend like you                                   who needs enemies?
  9   A valentine to my teacher, You made me what I am today   Thanks A Lot!!!
 10   You're just what the doctor ordered                      Shock Treatment!
 11   How does it feel to know you're wanted?                  By The Police!
 12   To a dad who has given me everything                     My Crossed Eyes, My Pointed Head, My Floppy Ears.
 13   I'd like to invite you to dinner                         But My Mother Hates Slobs!
 14   Today is your day, Mom                                   but tomorrow watch out
 15   You're invited to a masquerade party                     But You Don't Need A Mask!
 16   I just said the word that describes you                  And my mother washed my mouth with soap!
 17   Invitation: If you have no date on Saturday night        try bathing
 18   I couldn't let this Valentine Day go by without
        buying something                                       So I Bought Myself A Hat!!!
 19   You give me a feeling no one else does                   a splitting headache
 20   I thought of something funny the other day!
 21   I'm glad you're out of bed                               & on the operating table
 22   Dear Valentine, They say 2 heads are better than 1       but not on the same body
 23   To my valentine, You have so many wonderful points       a pointy head, pointy nose, pointy teeth
 24   It isn't the words that count                            It's the sentiment
 25   Thank you for the unusual valentine gift                 What is it?
 26   Invitation: We're having a beach party by the lake       Why don't you drop in?
 27   To my valentine. You're lovely as a rainbow              with your green teeth, blue face,
                                                                 yellow ears & purple nose
 28   I love your beautiful blond curls                        but they'd look better on a girl
 29   When I think of you I think of music                     'cause you got legs like a piano
 30   You are invited to a surprise party                      Boy, will you be surprised
 31   You are my sunshine                                      Ya burn me up!!!
 32   Don't Worry You'll Be Out Of The Hospital In No Time.    see, I told you
 33   You're invited to a wild valentine party                 at your house
 34   To Mom, my favorite valentine, You've taken care of
        me when I was sick, cheered me up when I was sad,
        comforted me when I was in trouble                     but what have you done for me lately?
 35   You're the world's greatest dad                          but I'm the world's greatest kid, so we're even
 36   I hope you like my present                               as much as it likes you
 37   When I See You, I Can Think Of Only One Thing To Do      Run!!!
 38   You've got the sweetest lips                             'Cause you eat candy like a slob!
 39   There's something about you that makes me swoon
 40   Someday you will make 1 girl very happy                  when you're tossed in jail
 41   Don't read the other side of this card until
        Valentine Day                                          Whattsa Matter No Will Power?
 42   A present for you on Valentine Day, Dad                  and here's the bill
 43   You have a peach of a complexion                         fuzzy
 44   I Like You Because                                       (check boxes) If I Didn't Who Would? Next To 
                                                               You I Look Great! I'm Making A Study Of 
                                                               Morons! I Have No Taste! Your Father Has 
                                                               Money! I'm Paying Off An Election Debt! 
                                                               "Check Off Appropriate One"
 45   Happy Valentine Day, Mom. We're Having A Big Dinner
        In Your Honor.                                         So start cooking!
 46   Success certainly hasn't changed you                     You're as stupid as ever
 47   Dear Valentine, you may not be a beauty                  But You Are A Novelty!
 48   Tonight I'd like to pick you up at your house            with the rest of the garbage
 49   You're Just The Type To Wear My School Ring              Through Your Nose!
 50   I can't forget the day I met you
 51   I'm going to pick out a little gift for you              (Shows man digging through the City Dump)
 52   A Valentine For My Teacher. You Have Beauty And Brains   So how'd you get mixed up in a racket like this?
 53   I get a thrill when I watch you play football            You're better than most boys
 54   You really deserve a better kid than me                  & I deserve a better dad than you
 55   I'll always care for you                                 when you're in the nut house

©2002, 2004, 2005 Jeff Allender. Comments, updates, & corrections are welcomed!

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